“If you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world.”
— Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

For much of my life, I didn’t understand why I kept looping through painful relationship patterns. I felt unseen, misunderstood, or trapped in dynamics that seemed to repeat themselves no matter how much I tried to change.

And as someone who has always been deeply reflective, I would ask myself:

Why does this always happen to me? Why am I not lucky in love?

But luck had nothing to do with it.

What I didn’t see at the time was that my relationships were mirroring something deeper—subconscious wounds, attachment patterns, and a deep-seated fear of intimacy. I was attracting partners who reflected back to me the relational wounds I had yet to meet within, nor alone heal.

Growing up in a toxic environment with a violent and emotionally unavailable father, and an abused mother, I had no clear model of what healthy masculinity or femininity looked or felt like. I absorbed the belief that love was something I had to earn rather than something safe and freely given.

This shaped my relationships in adulthood. I didn’t know what a secure, conscious relationship looked like because I had never experienced one. I found myself replaying old patterns, sometimes from a paradoxical empowered yet clueless victim place, feeling like I had no control over what was happening.

It wasn’t until I turned inward—doing the deep work of self-inquiry and nervous system healing—that I began to understand:

🔹 The relationships we attract are often reflections of our subconscious wounds.
🔹 Patterns will repeat until we become conscious enough to break them.
🔹 Healing isn’t about blaming the past—it’s about learning to choose differently in the present.

And this is a lifelong process. Conscious relationships—whether with a partner, a friend, or even in community spaces like Soma Groove—are mirrors that help us see where we are still holding onto old wounds and where we are ready to grow.

How Attachment shapes Love & Connection

Gabor Maté, renowned for his work on trauma and relationships, says:

"The greatest gift we can give our children is our presence. Not our presents, but our presence."

But what happens when we grow up without that presence—without attuned, secure connections?

We learn to adapt. We become pleasers, over-givers, or emotionally distant.

Maté explains, "Authenticity is our birthright, but attachment is our deepest need. And when we have to choose, we will abandon authenticity to maintain attachment."

We suppress our authentic needs in exchange for approval or safety. We settle for relationships where we are needed rather than truly seen.

As children, if love was conditional—if we had to perform, please, or suppress our emotions to receive affection—then we learned to sacrifice parts of ourselves in order to stay connected.

This translates into our adult relationships:

🔹 We fear abandonment, so we tolerate less than we deserve.
🔹 We suppress our needs, believing they are "too much."
🔹 We seek love in familiar dysfunction, mistaking chaos for passion.

Esther Perel expands on this idea:

"The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives."

Our ability to experience love and connection is deeply influenced by our early attachment patterns. If we learned that vulnerability leads to rejection, we will avoid intimacy. If we associated love with chaos, we might unconsciously create drama, believing that peace feels "boring."

But the beauty of awareness is that it gives us the power of choice. To choose differently—to move from unconscious patterns into conscious relationships.

Breaking the cycle: the power of Conscious Love

A conscious relationship is not one without challenges. It’s one where both people are willing to see and be seen—to bring their full selves into connection, including their wounds, fears, and deepest truths.

It asks us to:

✔ Take responsibility for our own triggers instead of blaming others.
✔ Face our shadows instead of projecting them onto a partner.
✔ Practice vulnerability instead of avoiding intimacy.
✔ Create safety and presence instead of playing out old wounds.

Yes, it asks us to meet love with presence, curiosity, and self-awareness.

This is not always easy. It requires courage, and patience. But it is also where true love begins—not in perfection, but in the willingness to grow together.

And this is something we can practice in all areas of life—not just in romantic relationships, but in friendships, family connections, and even community spaces like Soma Groove.

Soma Groove: A mirror for Self-Discovery

One of the most powerful ways I’ve explored these relational dynamics is through Soma Groove.

In our sessions, we don’t just move—we witness.

We see ourselves in others. The way we hold back, the way we surrender, the emotions that arise when someone moves freely while we hesitate. Every session is a reflection—a chance to notice what is alive in us.

🔹 If watching someone express raw emotion makes you uncomfortable, where in your life are you resisting vulnerability?
🔹 If you feel unseen in a room full of people, where are you hiding in your relationships?
🔹 If you struggle to take up space, where else are you silencing yourself?

Movement, like love, reveals what we most need to see.

And I feel the need to share one more incredible quote from Gabor Maté:
"Healing happens in the presence of compassion—not judgment."

When we witness others with compassion, we learn to do the same for ourselves. And that is the foundation of deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

Love is a practice, not a destination

Healing our relationship patterns doesn’t mean we’ll never feel triggered again. It means we become more aware. It means we recognize when we’re reacting from an old wound and make a conscious choice to respond differently.

Instead of asking:
🔹 Why does this always happen to me?

We ask:
🔹 What is this showing me?
🔹 What part of me is asking for healing?

Love—real love—isn’t about finding someone to fix us. It’s about growing alongside people who support our evolution.

It’s about choosing presence, choosing understanding, choosing love—again and again.

And whether in romantic relationships, friendships, family dynamics, or a room full of Groovers moving to the rhythm of their souls—this choice deepens connection, expands trust, and reminds us of what love truly is.

Because true love is a paradox:

We stay rooted together, yet we soar.

Ready to Go Deeper? Work With Me

If you’re ready to break free from old patterns and cultivate more conscious, fulfilling relationships—whether with yourself, your loved ones, or your community—there are several ways to work with me:

🔹 Soma Groove Group Sessions* – A powerful somatic experience that helps you connect with yourself and others through movement, breath, and emotional exploration. Join a supportive group of fellow Groovers on a journey of self-discovery.

🔹 Private 1:1 Therapy & Mentorship* – Personalized support for deep inner work, helping you uncover and shift subconscious patterns so you can create the love and life you truly desire.(Algarve, Lisbon, Porto & online)

🔹 Retreats, Programs & Immersions – Next level transformative experiences designed to guide you through profound healing and expansion in a safe, immersive environment.

🔹 Spots are limited! DM me to book your session or apply for a program.

Your relationships—romantic, familial, communal—are a reflection of your inner world. When you heal within, everything around you shifts.

Let’s move, breathe, and transform together.

*available in Algarve, Lisbon, Porto & online